I just sat down and listened to my new album all the way through for the first time. I've been working on this thing off and on for the last seven years. That's kind of misleading because I did throw it out and start from scratch a number of times. Then there was that time when I quit singing and started running long distance for several years, I guess I needed to trade in one kind of suffering for another. I guess you could say my relationship to music is complicated. Well, today I got two large boxes in the mail stuffed full of CDs containing my new album. It's an amazing and humbling feeling to look upon hundreds of unplayed CDs wondering where they will end up.
Listening to my album now, I hear all the crap I put myself through to get here, I'm truly amazed I did it. You don't even know, there were so many times I thought about just erasing my hard drive. There were years when I didn't sing a note, pretending to be someone else, denying my art, pushing it into a corner in my heart...well that shit is just not good for you! It robs you of your purpose. Don't deny your creative self, even if your creativity sometimes feels like putting on shoes filled with little rocks and pieces of glass. You have to do it! People are gonna say stuff, some of that stuff will feel really good to hear, validating what you do and others will hurt. I have a hard time with that. I really do feel compelled to share what I do, but I am so damn sensitive that I sometimes find I want to do something that doesn't lay my emotional self on the line. Even though that's usually the really good stuff, the vulnerable stuff, the stuff I like.
I thank my wife for helping pull me out and encouraging me to actually start to see the opportunity and privilege it is to even make art. I'm working on putting myself out there. It's something I've struggled with for a long time and probably why more people don't know of my music. I think the more popular artists put themselves up there as the thing to admire, but my favorite artists are the ones that get out of the way of their work and let the work do the talking. That said, I guess it is sort of hard to separate the artist from their work.
I don't care about having a nice haircut or wearing trendy shoes, I care about writing good songs and connecting with people. So here we are again, deja vu. I'm gonna keep my head on straight, to keep focusing on the music, my community, my family. It's time to purely do my own thing, make my own mistakes and celebrate my own tiny victories. You should do the same. Let's leave this place a little better than we found it.
Preorder my record below, it helps me build this thing.